Epiphany happens!

One of the shows I enjoy watching is Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab.  I have watched it for a couple of years now.  I watched it at first to see just what the spoiled Hollywood celebs were getting themselves into this time.  The best part is I have learned things and gained compassion by watching Dr. Drew.  Last night was the graduation of his latest group of addicts.  They are only with him about 3 weeks which prove to be the main with drawl period.   I have watched them toss and turn in their beds, throw up and act out in violence towards each other.  I have wondered many times why his employees haven't clocked some of those people when they become like spoiled brats.  But the longer I watch the show the more I begin to understand the staffs reasoning.  They were all drug addicts themselves so they understand the process these patients are going through.  Dr. Drew is always saying to them "You can't listen to yourself and take direction because it's your addiction speaking.  You are not well so you need to listen to people like me who know how to get through this stuff."  "It's your addictions speaking again."  Dr. Drew lets you see some of their therapy as he talks to them one on one.  I have watched his face as they speak to him and I have been touched with his kindness all of these people who aren't so kind or lovable.  He talks to them about issues in their lives and teaches them to move forward without addiction.

Last night as I watched the final season and it hit me that I am not so different then any of those people.  I to have an addiction.  My choice of addiction is food.  And just like them if I don't change it will kill me.  About 2 years ago I took the bull by the horns and went on weight watchers.  I worked so hard at it and after 4 months I lost 2 lbs.  Ya you read that right 2 lbs.  I came to a breaking point and quit.  I was done!  There were also other things going on in my life like menopause so my head was swirling about as well as my body.  When I went to visit the Dr. for something I wrote down everything that was ticking me off.  And when she got to the 2 lbs I lost it.  Broke down and cried.  Dr. Kelch did say to me, well did you know that women going through menopause usually gain 10 lbs so the fact you lost 2 lbs is pretty good.  That didn't help any as I was angry and ready to strike back.  I had worked hard and my result was 2 lbs???  I was crushed and I was not going to be told I had done okay and to keep going.

So here I am almost 2 years later and 20 lbs heavier.  I am finally past the don't care stage.  One day while at work Denise my boss told me she was going to go on the South Beach Diet.  I said "oh I have heard that it"s a pretty good diet to go on.  I had a teacher tell me she had lost 20 lbs on it."  She told me more about it and how it really wasn't a diet but a healthy way of eating.  There are 3 phases.  Phase 1 is the most restrictive and you cut out almost all carbs, fruit, and some veggies.  She told me it was hard in the sense that because it was so restrictive it becomes kind of repetitive if your not creative.  But that in reality there was LOTS you could eat.  So after a week of watching her and talking to Mike we both started on our diet or better eating plan the following Monday.  By not eating carbs, fruit any root veggies your body detoxes riding itself of all the sugars and carbs.  You are changing your inside first.  A person can move back and forth between the phases if they would like too as well. 

It dawned on me last night while watching that I can't really trust my thoughts yet either.  It's my addiction speaking.  Mike is great at pulling me along as we do this together.  We bounce things off each other and come up with things to eat.  I find it interesting that drug addicts are sent to a rehab for 3 weeks, phase 1 is for 2 weeks.  Drug addicts are encouraged to go to a sober house for I think a month or more where they can gain the upper hand on their addiction and phase 2 is for as long as you are losing weight.  I found that an interesting parallel between these two addictions.   My compassion has been enlightened by this discovery.   I don't think I can any longer condemn those who turn to drugs, food or any other addiction.  The trick is to detox and listen for guidance from someone who can get you through this. 

So I am here to say that on Monday (1/24) Mike and I will have completed our phase 1.  I have so far lost 7-10 lbs (I didn't get a starting weight so I am going on what I remember) and I am quite proud of myself as I hammer this thing out.  For the first time in a long time I feel great inside.  My body feels different and I LIKE IT.  I have many many pounds to go but that will happen I am sure and I look forward to the day I AM in control of my body and not food.  I chose to eat to live NOT live to eat.